Brash Phluster

Brash Phluster was an ambitious young poet of Reliant City who knew he was destined for greatness in his field. He was brilliant in most things and succeeded through bluster and arrogance in things where he was not.

Brash was a tall man with fulsome hair, even teeth, full lips, and a well groomed mustache and beard. He wore a charcoal cloak with silver ringlets and favored a three-string lyre.

Poet Avas Didion Flicker thought he had a face "commissioned for self-pity" and Brash was prone to wild mood swings regarding his talent. One moment he was sure of his genius and the next he was sure he had no talent at all.

In Crack'd Pot Trail

Despised by Calap Roud for seven years, Brash was determined to show the old artist up by winning the competition for The Century's Greatest Artist in Farrog. His dreams turned into a nightmare when his caravan traveling the Cracked Pot Trail across the Great Dry ran out of food. The well armed travelers of the caravan decided their "useless" artistic companions would be more useful as meals. Every night Brash and the other poets and singers performed in competition for the right to live another day.

Brash was upset that his serious compositions were often seen as comedic triumphs, but they did allow him to survive as other poets became dinner. His attempts to make Fisher kel Tath's Anomandaris more accessible to children by adding rhyme were picked apart by Calap and Tulgord Vise. His attempt to join Calap Roud's scheme to blackmail Flicker backfired when Flicker artfully convinced Tiny Chanter to murder Calap. Ultimately, Brash survived the trip to Farrog and won the title of The Century's Greatest Artist.

In The Fiends of Nightmaria

Brash Phluster was one of the ultimate survivors of the dire events of the Cracked Pot Trail who arrived safely at the city of Farrog. After being named the Century's Greatest Artist at the 'Festival of Flowers and Sunny Days', Brash was arrested on the orders of the new King of Farrog, the usurper and necromancer, Bauchelain the First. Brash (together with six other Cracked Pot Trail survivors - i.e., Apto Canavalian, Flea Chanter, Midge Chanter, Steck Marynd, Tiny Chanter, and Tulgord Vise) was taken to a torture chamber beneath the Royal Palace of Farrog. There, the seven survivors were tortured in rotation on the rack by the Royal Torturer, Binfun, in preparation for their execution. Brash spent the time moaning and squabbling with Apto Canavalian, much to the others' displeasure. Ultimately, the prisoners were able to escape with the aid of Seneschal Shartorial Infelance, who was smitten with Steck Marynd, and were soon wandering the dungeon tunnels. Brash promised to write an epic poem of at least twenty thousand stanzas of the reinvigorated Nehemothanai's pursuit of Bauchelain and Korbal Broach.

At one point, Brash and the others had a mayhem-filled encounter with a group of thieves--the 'Party of Five'--who were searching the tunnels for their imprisoned Guild Mistress, Dam Loudly Heer. The brawny thief, Barunko, bulled through Brash's group sending them tumbling down a flight of stairs. As Brash leapt to avoid his falling companions he slammed his head into the ceiling and bit off half his own tongue. Then Symondenalian Niksos threw a knife deep into Brash's right shoulder before the two groups managed to disentangle themselves and rush off in opposite directions. Apto was pleased to report that Brash would likely never sing again.

The Seneschal brought them to the Royal Apothecary for some badly-needed healing, but they were ambushed there by thirty-two of Bauchelain's demons. Apto fled and did not return. After surviving the melee, Brash ransacked the apothecary for healing salves and successfully restored his tongue. He also accidentally ingested a Potion of Ineluctable Genius which instantly sharpened his wit. While the rest of the group moved on to confront Bauchelain and Korbal Broach in their throne room, Brash pocketed as many vials as he could carry and wisely left the palace on his own.

Brash wandered Farrog's streets, which were littered with corpses from the necromancers' flight from the invading army of Nightmaria. He saw the Royal Palace's collapse, but was busy plotting his next masterpiece, a ten volume, ten million word poem written in the style of the Lost Droners of Ipscalon called the Epic Lay of Brash Phluster. When the potion empowering his genius suddenly wore off, the poet ran screaming for the nearest sewer hole.

Known Poems

• Fragment of "Missingla's Tale"

"In ages long past
A long time ago
Before any of us were alive
Before kingdoms rose from the dust
There was a king
Whose name was...Gling
Gling of the Nine Rings
That he wore one each day
Of the week--

Gling of the Seven Rings
Was a king whose wife
Had died and sad was his sorrow
For his wife was beloved,
A Queen in her own right.
Her tresses were locks
Flowing down long past
Her shapely shoulders and
Long-haired she was and
Longhair was her name
She who died of grief
Upon the death of their
Daughter and so terrible her grief
She shaved her head and was
Long-haired no longer
And so furious her beloved
Gling that he gathered up
The strands and wove a rope
With which he strangled
Her--oh sorrow!

But was the daughter truly dead?
What terrible secret did King Gling
Her father possess
There in his tower
At the very heart
Of the world's greatest kingdom?
But no, he was a king
Without any terrible secrets,
For his daughter had been
Stolen, and lovely she was,
The princes whose name was
...Missingla
And this is her tale known to all
As Missingla's Tale
Beloved daughter of King Gling and
Qeen Longhair,
A princess in her own right
Was Missingla of the shapely shoulders
Royal her eye lashes**
A jeweled crown her sweet lips**

Was Missingla of the shapely shoulders
Stolen by the king in the kingdom
Beyond the mountains between the lake
In the Desert of Death
Where almost nothing lived
Or could hope to live**
Even should we live in hope**
And this king his name was...Lope
Who bore a sword twice as tall as he
And the armour of an ogre made of stone
And cruel was his face, evil his eyes,
As he swam the lake at night
To scale the tower to steal her away
Missingla--oh sorrow!

But she was waiting oh yes, for
Cruel and evil as he was, so too rich
Beyond all measure ruling the world's
Richest kingdom beyond the mountains
And so not stolen at all, sweet daughter
No! Missingla Lope they swam away!"

―Brash Phluster with **lines added by Avas Didion Flicker

• A modified selection from Anomandaris' penultimate chapter of The Slaying of Draconus

"Dark was the room
Deep was the gloom
That was Draconus's tomb
Dank was the air
Daunting the bier
On which he laid eyes astare

The chains not yet broken
For he not yet woken
His vows not yet revoken
His sword still to awaken
In its scabbard black oaken
Cold hands soon to stroken
Envy and Spite were the daughters
To the Consort of Dark Fathers
She the left breast and her the right
Two tits named Envy and Spite!
And deadly their regarrrrd!
Cold the nipples' rewarrrd!
And when Anomander rose tall
Sliding down in smears of desire
Down the bold warrior's gleaming spire!
And crowded the closet!
Sharp the cleaving hatchet!
And his head flew into the air
On a fountain of gore and hair!"

―Brash Phluster

• "Night of the Assassin"

"In the black heart of Malaz City
on a black night of blackness so darrrk
no one could see a thing it was all gritty
when a guard cried out 'harrrrk!'

But the darkness did not answer
because no one was therre
Kalam Mekhar was climbing the tower
instead of using the stairrr

The Mad Empress sat on her throne
dreaming up new ways of torturrre
when she heard a terrible groan
and she did bless the mendic's currre

There was writing carved on the wall
great kings and mad tyrants wrote dire curses
there in the gloomy royal stall
so rank with smeared mercies

Out of the dark night sky
rained down matter most foulll
and Kalam swore and wiped at his eye
wishing he'd brought a towelll

But the chute yawned above him
his way to the Mad Empress was a black hollle
could he but reach the sticky rim
he was but moments from his goallll

In days of yore she was an assassin too
a whore of murder with claws unfurllled
but now she just needed hard to poo
straining to make her hair currrlll

Kalam looked up then to see a grenado
but swift he was in dodging its plungggge
and he launched up into the brown window
and in the narrow channel he thrashed and lunggged

And climbed and climbed seeking the light
or at least he hoped for some other wayy
to end the plight of this darkest night
as he prayed for the light of daayyy

Through the narrowest of chutes
he clambered into a pink caverrrnnn
and swam among the furly flukes
'oh', he cried, 'when will I ever learrnnn?'

Tis said across the entire empire
that the Empress Laseen did give birrthhh
to the Royal Assassins of the Claw entire
you can take that for what it's worrthhh

But Kalam Mekhar knew her better than most
and he did carve his name on her wallll
and we'd all swear he got there first
because we never went there at allll!"

―Brash Phluster

• "Fragment of Gotho's Folly, the Lullaby Version

"Lie sweet in your cot, precious onnne
The dead are risin from every graaave
The dead are risin, I say, from every graaa-yev!
Bright your little eyes, precious onnne
Bright as beacons atop that barrowww

Stop your screamin, precious onnne
The dead ain't deaf they can hear you fine
Oh the dead ain't deaf I say, they hear you fiii-yen!
Stop your climbin, precious onnne
Sweet it's gonna taste your oozing marrowww

Oh we never wanted you anywayyy--"

―Brash Phluster

Trivia

Steven Erikson says Night of the Assassin is the poem he is proudest of in the Malazan books.

External links

• Critical Conversations 06: Poetry in Malazan with Steven Erikson - Author Steven Erikson's analysis of Night of the Assassin along with a dramatic reading.

Notes and references

List of abbreviations • Paginations • How to reference an article